Right now I am procrastinating writing one of my final papers (as usual). However, I'm finding myself more distracted than usual when I try to concentrate. This is due to the fact that I have much more on my mind than the typical finals stress. The semester is coming to a close, which means that I will soon be leaving London.
For the past week or so, I've had bittersweet feelings about returning home. I miss my friends and family terribly, but I love London so much and the new friends that I've made here. I also love the lifestyle here, which is so much different than the lifestyle in Syracuse, NY.
It is a weird realization to think that I haven't seen my dad, sister, or cat Lizzie in over 100 days. Luckily Mom was able to come visit me, but that was only briefly, and it has still been almost two months since then.
I am someone that thrives on my family and friends being around me at all times. Not having that support system here was at first scary, but now isn't so scary anymore. I've formed a new support system of friends and roommates here, and it's worked out very well. I can finally say that I've lived away from home, and I have survived it much better than I could have anticipated.
With all of this, I am actually a little bit afraid to return to the United States. I'm afraid that everything will be different, or that I will be different. Actually, I'm positive that I am different. I'm afraid that adjusting to living under my parents' roof will be more of a challenge than ever. I'm afraid that I will have changed in ways that will make me significantly different from my friends. Or, even worse, they will have changed to be different than me. I'm basically really afraid of not fitting in in Syracuse/Liverpool anymore.
I know that going home is going to be one of the more difficult things that I'm going to have to deal with. (Probably only second to coming to London, or going to college.) The anticipation is killing me, and only time will tell what the outcome is. Luckily, I know that no matter how much I've changed, my amazing friends and family will love me. Despite all of this, though, change is still an inevitably scary part of life, and I'm beginning to believe that I will never be able to fully accept dealing with it.
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I know I was only gone for 2 months (69 days) but I know exactly how you feel- being on a ship with the same group of people, with literally nowhere to escape and so much time to learn from people and about myself... its weird. And it was weird to come back to mundane Syracuse, to problems here, to an old apartment with real life issues, to a family divorcing... being abroad, I felt so free, different, exciting, sexy almost. If you can keep that feeling up when you get back, its a really nice one. I didn't and it mixed me up for a bit... still does sometimes.
ReplyDeleteAnd you're not going to want to be on your phone and texting 24/7, even though your friends and family will expect you to- its different for you, since you had some of that- I only called home twice.
But... its great to be back too! Take everything you learned and apply it here. Share it with people! And we miss you sooo much. As soon as you get back, the two of us can plan a trip abroad again. For in a couple years. If we have money.
We miss you!!!! I can't wait to see you in June! I'll be in Saratoga- 2 hours away.
That's definitely scary, but you are the type of person that makes the most of every opportunity...it's gonna suck going back to Syracuse after being somewhere as wonderful as London, but you'll adjust back in just fine. And it'll probably make you more open to exploring the United States and getting out of Syracuse once we graduate for somewhere crazy like, oh I don't know, Atlanta? ;) haha.
ReplyDeleteBut really...we all love you. You might be different, but take comfort in the fact that you KNOW you'll always have the Original 5. :)
I love you!!! Don't worry. :)